I'm okay, you're okay

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81816192012-01-19T14:11:46.628-08:00I'm okay, you're okayWe're all okay! Really we are! Excpet you. You my friend are really fucked up and need some help. Get outta here. You make me sick.duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.comBlogger1581100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-21529211727433207322009-06-04T08:06:00.000-07:002009-06-04T08:27:36.582-07:00Porn Buddies of the Fighting 405

I realized lately that I watch porn to keep me company while i jerk off. It's just too depressing to be having sexy alone all the time. So it's nice to have a woman there with me. Even if she is being made "air-tight" by 3 black guys dressed as African tribesmen.Which reminds me of something. Have you ever heard of a "porn buddy?" This is not like a book club for porn (as I thought when I first

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-67991995086657262582007-05-28T10:25:00.000-07:002007-05-28T10:57:10.872-07:00to hell and back. or not.

I was Jonesing for some Arby's the other night. If you don't know what Arby's is, I feel sorry for you. Anyway, the nearest Arby's is about 15 minutes down the freeway from me. (It's in the same town my parents live in.) Calem wanted to come with me. Not that he was Jonesing for roast beef, but he likes a little late night adventure just as much as the rest of us.So Calem and I pick up some

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-64449930445526023442007-05-21T17:07:00.000-07:002007-05-21T17:17:26.927-07:00I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

I have no excuse for my absence. I could blame it on being too busy. I could blame it on dealing with the death of my father-in-law. I could blame it on American Idol, or Lost, or Scrubs, or the Sapranos, or my new 42 inch plasma screen. But I'm not going to because you deserve better. You deserve the truth.You wanna know the truth? You wanna know why I left you for so long? I left because I was

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-24866348783013364742007-02-12T20:24:00.000-08:002007-02-12T20:35:59.008-08:00zeta male

Abandoned by my own kind. That's what I am. Living in a land of all hoes and no bros.I don't understand it. I used to have at least 2 regular male readers - Kav and Eric (that's right fuckers. I'm calling you out) but they don't comment anymore. At least not in a week or so.My last post was meant to drum up a little business. Get the boys back in my corner. I talked about poop, boobies, flashing

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-25311683397950456732007-02-11T09:56:00.000-08:002007-02-11T10:07:26.500-08:00blue man poop

I went to see the Blue Man Group last night. The tickets were free so don't give me any shit. That said, it was actually really cool. I liked how imaginative it was and the music was pretty solid.But I'm not here to discuss the finer points of the Blue Man Group's musical prowess. I'm here to discuss the flashing of boobs.At the concert last night, an overly ebullient female spectator lifted her

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-581905174005377952007-02-08T15:09:00.000-08:002007-02-08T15:08:17.436-08:00TrimSpa baby!

Anna Nicole Smith died today. Can you believe it? I sure as hell can. It was all that "TrimSpa baby!"All kidding aside, that woman had a very sad life. I mean, she was a Playboy model, and a Guess? model, but she had her son when she was 16. She worked as a stripper to support him. At 26 she married an 89-year-old billionaire. Conceivably, she fucked that skinny old bag of bones (Yuck!) 18 moths

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-80620562347450834752007-02-05T19:13:00.000-08:002007-02-05T19:35:21.839-08:00Untilted (not inclined towards a particular opinion)

you're thirsty and water quenches your thirst. you're hungry and food fills your belly. you dream and nothing will satisfy.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-40079632974114288342007-01-29T22:40:00.000-08:002007-01-29T22:46:36.007-08:00the duck in La La Land

I'm in L.A. Going to start my shoot tomorrow. It's a two day shoot with 24 different models (75% of which have never been models before) a stylist, a makeup artist, 2 assistants, a producer and a moody photographer. If being on a photoshoot sounds like a fun time, think again.Under all these circumstances, I not only have to delivery excellent photos, I have to deliver a TON of them.No pressure

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-17052219879893113742007-01-28T09:12:00.000-08:002007-01-28T09:36:47.171-08:00this week has been a doozy

I got a combined 25 hours of sleep, Monday - Friday. That is quite a bit less than the 40 hours I'm used to. I was working until 1am everynight (or morning) on freelance work. I tell ya. It's not easy being the one responsible for the financial well-being of a family of five living in the Bay Area. If I didn't do all this work, we couldn't afford to have Calem take Karate, or Mackenzie take

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-57737808580327020372007-01-24T22:12:00.000-08:002007-01-24T22:25:45.466-08:00Hand baskets and dirty old men.

My friends like to tease me about my daughter. They ask me if they can have her cell number and ask if she wants to sleep over at their place. One has even go as far as to call dibs on her once she turns 16. I told him she would still be jail bait at 16. "Not in Delaware." he said.Fucker.The other day my friend asked me how old my daughter would be before I started checking out her friends. I

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-17501079187767898242007-01-23T19:50:00.000-08:002007-01-23T20:49:55.148-08:00Don't read this. It's long and boring. (Like foreplay with my wife)

I'm in the process of redesigning the identity for the San Jose ICA. I have been designing their collateral and mailings (pro bono) for about 5 years. I used to work at a design firm in downtown San Jose and my office was right next door to the ICA. That's how I met the Executive Director. She approached me to help her out with some postcards and I've been working with them ever since. My old

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-67160577995847784902007-01-18T21:33:00.000-08:002007-01-18T21:59:03.400-08:00I would hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

I should be excited, but I'm not. i should be grateful for the opportunity, but I'm not. i should think of it as a chance to shine, but I can't.I'm scheduled to art direct a very important photoshoot with a great photographer in 2 weeks down in L.A. But instead of feeling all those things i should be feeling, I'm scared. Not because I don't think i can do a good job. Not because I don't like

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-48350971031367344372007-01-16T19:47:00.000-08:002007-01-16T20:16:45.768-08:00Who doesn't like a nice ass?

Since I posted about my love for boobies a few days ago i thought i would be remiss not to mention asses (or booties if you prefer). I love asses. A lot. You could say "I'm and ass man." I don't know if I like bootie better than boobies though. They are really both excellent in their own rights. Legs are nice too but I'll save that for another post. (Please don't think that because I'm writing

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-17191093532498968932007-01-13T21:00:00.000-08:002007-01-13T21:05:49.130-08:00It's all gonna be okay.

I've been told I give really shitty advice. That mostly people would be better off doing the exact opposite of what i tell them than they would by actually following my advice. I never follow my own advice so there might be some strength to this argument, but i can't be that bad. So please indulge me for a moment and post some questions (real questions preferably) and I'll see if i can offer up

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-34970314044971603102007-01-10T21:41:00.000-08:002007-01-10T22:15:37.471-08:00Hooray for boobies!

I really like boobies. I don't know what it is about 'em. Maybe it's just 'cause i don't have a pair. Or maybe it's because they're so frickin awesome!Is it possible I was breastfed too long as a child and that's why i like 'em so much? I was about 4 when my mom finally put me on formula. It was a really difficult transition for me. I can remember telling her she looked nice and she just looked

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-4198710463037853062007-01-09T23:34:00.000-08:002007-01-09T23:56:21.299-08:00WARNING This post contains strong language that may be unsuitable for young readers. Unless the young readers are dirty little fuckers.

So one of my coworkers and I were having a pleasant little conversation over IM today when he asks me about the new admin in my building:"I heard she's hot! Is that true?""Dude! I'd eat the corn outta her shit!""Yeah. I sometimes do that to your mom.""Gross dude! You'd lick my mom's ass?""Nope. A few kernels were stuck to my dick.""Okay dude. You win.""Yeah? Well I went ass to mouth on her and

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-23458420342453782432007-01-03T23:09:00.000-08:002007-01-03T23:42:52.109-08:00Beast of 2006 (yes i do know I spelled "beast" and not "best." Thanks.)

everybody's doing it, why the fuck can't I?Top 10 movies of 2006 (I stole this idea from my friend so i have to give him credit in case he reads this and is all, "WTF Duck?"):10. Superman Returns9. The Prestige8. Casino Royale7. Inside Man6. Stranger Than Fiction5. Rocky Balboa4. Little Miss Sunshine3. The Prostitute of Happyness2. The Illustionist1. The DepartedTop 20

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-37099279443627785442006-12-31T19:19:00.000-08:002006-12-31T22:28:09.519-08:00Resolutions are for pussies!!

I do not make resolutions. I'm more of a declarations kinda guy, but in the spirit of the season, here are some celebrity’s New Year's resolutions:Donald Rumsfeld: Work on résuméBritney Spears: Spend less time with newborn childMel Gibson: Find new ways to hate the JewsSaddam Hussein: Be kinder to the KurdsParis Hilton: Buy more panties (and wear them)Donald Trump: Invite Tara Conner over for a

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-75600704197815131192006-12-29T13:42:00.000-08:002006-12-29T15:00:47.445-08:00Frylock rules fuckers!

Hi. My name is Joshua. It's been 20 days since my last post. It's been hard, but I'm taking it one day at a time and I feel really good.Okay, so I've been a really bad blogger buddy to all of you. I readily admit that. I've had too many things going on in my life to keep up with this thing. I won't go into the details but on Christmas day my whole family had dinner in the Psych ward of the

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1165711333395852892006-12-09T16:15:00.000-08:002006-12-09T16:43:46.253-08:00spread the cheer and pass the pipe kids!

We finally put up our fake tree and decorated it with fake ornaments. we even acted all fake when we put it up. I held out my pinky finger every time i lifted an ornament to the tree and used a posh British accent when i referred to the kids as "my little ones." Actually, i was the only one acting fake so it wasn't as cool as i thought it would be. Fuckers.My kids want a dog so bad they can

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1165085577102154642006-12-02T09:23:00.000-08:002006-12-02T11:09:35.146-08:00the pig, the camera and the transition lenses.

okay, so I know I've been slacking again, but like i said before, this is the busiest time of year for me. I do have photo to post, so that should make up for it.I finally got a new camera. I've wanted to get the Canon 30D for a long time and i finally pulled the trigger. I also bought a very nice 50mm lens that is rated at f1.4. Very fast, nice shallow depth of field for portraits. I'm still

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1164311773302692862006-11-23T11:48:00.000-08:002006-11-23T11:56:20.453-08:00Fame. Fortune. Cranberry Sauce.

As I may or may not have mentioned before, my sons were both used in a photshoot for Apple. Until recently you could see them up in the Apple stores (but we just switched everything over to the Holiday graphics). However, my littlest one is up on the Apple homepage. He's been there for a couple weeks now and I'm estimating that about 4-5 million people have seen him so far. That makes him way

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1164161581657916712006-11-21T18:03:00.000-08:002006-11-21T23:20:11.403-08:00Frostbite and freezer burn

I was trapped in ice. It was fucking cold. My mom used to freeze our bread when i was younger. She'd buy a bunch of it on sale and then she'd freeze most of it. It never tasted right after is was frozen. The only thing a thawed piece of bread was good for was french toast. That could hide the freezer burn taste. But forget about using thawed bread for a sandwich. Tasted like ass.She doesn't do

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1164088979288600582006-11-20T21:32:00.000-08:002006-11-20T22:03:00.040-08:00Jesus and that other guy

My son Calem has been complaining of bad dreams. He's come in my room in the middle of the night a couple times in the past week or two. I keep telling him that they’re just dreams and they can't hurt him. But he's not buying it. I told him that no monsters could get past me. "Yes they could daddy. You're asleep!" Shit! That kid can small a lie like a fart in an elevator.He wasn't buying the

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1163900831924824332006-11-18T17:36:00.000-08:002006-11-18T17:47:12.296-08:00New Music Monday

I know it's not Monday. Don't be a fucking git! I just like the way it sounds and it's my blog so i can do whatever the fuck i want. If you don't like it then just stop fucking reading and fuck off.Anyway, I'm in to music in a big way. And I'd like to share my passion for music with you lot. I'd like to reccommend some song or albums from time to time. i wish i could upload samples of these songs

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1163616216331979262006-11-15T10:29:00.000-08:002006-11-15T10:43:37.366-08:00I've been busy, okay!

Okay, so I've been slacking on my blogging duties. But you have to understand. I've been really friggin busy. I still love you all. i still care, I just don't have any free time right now. This is the busiest part of the year for me but it will be over soon. I will be back to regular posting in no time.Meanwhile, please enjoy this image of the doll I made the the AIGA auction. 50 designers/

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1162800263196687402006-11-05T23:51:00.000-08:002006-11-06T00:05:47.103-08:00Brandon Groo Stewart

My best friend Brandon Groo Stewart died 11 years ago from a heart attack. He was born with a heart deffect and was on the waiting list for a new heart, so it wasn't really a surprise when it happened. I think about him a lot. I have dreams about him. In my dreams he comes back to life by some stroke of medical genius. It's weird to have these dreams. They aren't really happy dreams. They're

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1162716205328585682006-11-05T00:26:00.000-08:002006-11-05T00:43:28.053-08:00Armor All® for the Soul

Typical weekend full of too much to do and not enough time to do it all. But somehow I'll get it done. And you know what gets sacrificed? You guessed it. Sleep.I've got a project for work to finish, a freelance job to complete for the next round, a doll for an auction to start and finish, a hockey game to go to with my friend Donovan, this post to write, my Dad's computer to fix, and kids that

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1162186362024575002006-10-29T17:08:00.000-08:002006-10-29T21:38:40.720-08:00Ass-kissing dress pants of doom

so, everyone has a fart story. i don't know anybody who doesn't. Even if they're too embarrassed to tell it, everybody has at least one fart story. Two maybe.Well, I'm not too embarrassed to tell mine. I'm proud, in fact, because my fart story transcends conscious behavior and delves deep into our primal being. It surpasses the question of everyday etiquette and challenges our very existence. "

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1162006033605824602006-10-27T20:16:00.000-07:002006-10-27T20:27:13.666-07:00Sir Duckie

Well, I didn't win the contest for the costume but my pumpkin did win (see previous post). I'm not sure how the Scotts did it. I had to drop a duce and this contraption made it damn near impossible. I'm not sure how you ladies deal with this when you're wearing a formal dress but I'm guessing you do the same thing that I did. You gather it all up on one side and hold it with your one had, leaving

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1161930560003932132006-10-26T23:20:00.000-07:002006-10-26T23:29:20.006-07:00Pumpkins and Poetry

alright kids. I don't "fuck around" as they like to say. When i do somethig, i go all out. unless it's dishes. i don't go all out for dishes. Dishes can go suck a fart.My company is having it's Halloween Party tomorrow and part of the festivities envolve a pumpkin carving contest. i think the winner gets an iPod or some shit, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that i kick everybody's

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1161816519359776032006-10-25T15:48:00.000-07:002006-10-25T16:59:02.606-07:00the irony was as thick as her booty

okay, so I think about shit. weird shit. shit that I'm sure everybody thinks about but not many people talk about. I was cleaning off my porch a few weeks back in preparation for the Halloween decorations. It was kinda messy so i got out the ladder and a broom to get all the cobwebs that had collected over the past several months.I came down off my ladder to admire my newly cleaned porch and it

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1161369746198150022006-10-20T11:34:00.001-07:002006-10-20T11:42:26.253-07:00Shut up and read it you bitches!

This is a very nice quote from astronomer Carl Sagan about a photo of Earth taken from space.We succeeded in taking that picture [from deep space], and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions,

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1161106985410431382006-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:002006-10-17T14:31:40.400-07:00Goobers and a Beer please.

Goobers are yummy. Raisonettes are good too but they don't have the panache of the Goobers. However, I can't help but point out how closely they resemble the little, hard, pellet-like turds I find in my sons diaper from time-to-time. Somebody give that kid a bran muffin will ya?Have you ever snuck a beer(s) into the movies? I don't know anyone who hasn't. I think the movie houses are missing a

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1160855231882414172006-10-14T12:22:00.000-07:002006-10-14T12:47:11.920-07:00it's not a tumor

first week back at the office has been crazy. I'm still pretty tired and don't feel 100% yet. almost had to take a trip to Baltimore for work but I got out of it since the trip coincided with my wedding anniversary. It's our 6th, but I don't think we're gonna do anything. I bought her a new iPod nano and she got me some shorts and a model airplane. Not the kind that can actually fly but the kind

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1160321110739312812006-10-08T08:03:00.000-07:002006-10-08T10:13:31.116-07:00The truth about seafood

I'm a nerd. An über nerd (I even know the key command for those little dots over the U)Evidence:1. I collect (and actually read) comic books. In fact, I look forward to NRW (new release Wednesday) every week. My first job in junior high school was working at my uncle's comic book store. I spent most of the money i made on comics. That's what really got me into drawing and art. I used to draw all

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1160073910780423422006-10-05T11:21:00.000-07:002006-10-05T13:10:40.893-07:00If it walks like a Duck, and talks like a Duck then shoot it. We're hungry!

I've been sick. Death-bed kinda sick. The Doc said I might have walking pneumonia. So is that better that regular pneumonia? Because it can walk n shit? Walking pneumonia is actualy caused by Mycoplasmas. Mycoplasmas are the smallest free-living creatures ever discovered. Dwarfed by amebas, they are smaller even than bacteria. Usually kids get this kind of thing, but since i have kids, I could

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159761605773722212006-10-01T20:45:00.000-07:002006-10-01T21:01:28.080-07:00don't judge a book by it's cover or the New York Times book review. Sooooo pretentious.

Quinn may look cute - even innocent - but do not cross him. He's a mean little fucker when he wants to be. Don't get me wrong. I love him to bits and I would lay down my life for him, but he can kinda be an asshole sometimes.Example: Today, he was playing with Calem all nice and quiet until Calem wouldn't give him the train he wanted. Quinn grabbed for it. Calem dodged. Quinn screamed and grabbed

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159680104940780682006-09-30T22:13:00.000-07:002006-09-30T22:27:04.573-07:00Sex changes and kleenex

Today, Calem asked me if he ripped off his penis, would he have a cheetah? (a cheetah is what Mackenzie used to call her girlie business when she was little. we don't know why but we've stuck with it). I didn’t know how to answer this question because of all the questions that immediately popped into my head!"Why does he want a cheetah?""Doesn't he like his penis?""Wouldn't that fucking hurt?"So

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159508991559116572006-09-28T22:18:00.000-07:002006-09-28T22:49:51.590-07:00A sobering day at work

I was sitting at my desk this morning, busily working away in my little office ( the retail team is in a separate room from the rest of the graphic design department for security reasons). Some of my coworkers were just coming back from getting coffee and they were just milling around, joking with each other and complaining about work. I heard a really strange noise coming from the pair that was

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159426317455162012006-09-27T23:51:00.000-07:002006-09-27T23:51:57.486-07:00I am sofa king we Todd did

Random shite from the foul fowl:1. I want to be a "chillionaire." Someone who has enough money that they can just chill all the time. No need to work or try to better the world. Just chill.2. Don't ever date a woman in PR. You know how if you break up with a chick and she spreads nasty-ass rumors about your angry-inch to all her friends? Imagine that but in the New York Times. You fuck over a PR

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159252840793473362006-09-25T23:24:00.000-07:002006-09-25T23:53:01.370-07:00I think it's either ore

This is an actual conversation i had with Calem (5) at his baseball game this last Saturday. I was playing 2nd base coach (yes. in t-ball they have a second base coach so the little sluggers don't get sidetracked on their way to 3rd.)I'm standing at 2nd base, eagerly waving Calem from first base. i guess he hadn't yet realized until that moment that i was out on the field and not in the stands.He

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159140478182871822006-09-24T16:24:00.000-07:002006-09-24T16:45:07.646-07:00The missing link

I hate it when people try to make their posts more interesting by adding a bunch of stupid fucking links.before anyone gives me grief, I just googled the word and went to the first website that popped up. Fuck you guys.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1159139723624694282006-09-24T16:05:00.000-07:002006-09-24T16:23:45.430-07:00Me gives big ups to da cat. Dat fucker can do nothing all day but lick his balls.

this weekend I:finished another painting. I'm not sure i like it though. May need more work. By the way, you guys need to check my other blog more often. It's feeling neglected. Lazy fuckers.watched my son play baseball.watched some footballate some BBQjerked off (2 or 3 times. can't recall)slept in (until 10 am. fuck yeah)went for a 6 mile walk with the kids (they were pissed)made up with my

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158984108515145972006-09-22T20:29:00.000-07:002006-09-22T21:01:48.546-07:00The last man standing is gonna be me this time

My wife is not really speaking to me right now because we got into a fight. It was about money. We argue often (It's always either about money or how messy the house is) but this was a fight. A dirty-nasty-name-calling-fight. It was ugly. It was over the phone. I was in my car driving to work and she was in her car driving to yoga, or palates, or playgroup, or some other bullshit.It's not

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158906088682621882006-09-21T23:06:00.000-07:002006-09-21T23:21:28.710-07:00Why

Why do you speak?I have a voicenot to speak but to dreamWhy do you build?I have handsnot to build but to laughWhy do you think?I have a mindnot to think but to loveWhy do you love?I have a heartnot to love but to live

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158518273054657242006-09-17T11:37:00.000-07:002006-09-17T15:28:30.000-07:00Lazy little butt detail

This story took place when I was about 5 years old and my sister Misty was 3 (yes. Her name is actually Misty Dawn Swanbeck. Well her last name is VanOrden now . . . we’ll talk about that some other time). Apparently I was having trouble cleaning the undercarriage after taking the Cleveland Browns to the SuperBowl. My mom was tired of wiping my ass for me and was protesting by refusing to help.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158383586866255512006-09-15T22:03:00.000-07:002006-09-15T22:13:06.896-07:00Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about

i need some help. I'm running out of shit to talk about. All kinds of depressing shit is going on in my life right now and i really don't want to blog about any of it. Not that I'm bottling my feels deep inside (so save your psych 101 bullshit for someone who needs it) it's just that i really don't want this blog to turn into one of those depressing look-how-fucked-up-my-life-is-blogs.so like i

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158368102882890852006-09-15T17:53:00.000-07:002006-09-15T17:55:02.910-07:00Hey Kav! Fix your fucking blog asshole!

this is what i see EVERY goddamn time i try to leave a comment. i hate you.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158352280709690602006-09-15T13:12:00.000-07:002006-09-15T13:31:20.740-07:00X marks the spot

so i took the boys to see their grandpa in the hospital. they were prepping him for surgery and the nurse came in to mark an X on his chest where they would be making the incision. Calem was very intrigued by this. He had a million questions."Why did they put that X on you?""Are they going to cut you?""Will it hurt?""But why did they put that X on you?""Is that where the treasure is buried?""Will

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158219351139952932006-09-14T00:19:00.000-07:002006-09-14T00:40:33.546-07:00Kung Fu Action Porn Stars Can't Act

I've got nothing of any interest to report today. Got out of work early since I was there until 11pm last night. Came home, hung out with the kids, ate some diner, watched stupid-ass project runway (what's the big deal? does anybody know?) put the kids to bed, worked on a painting in my studio, listened to some music (Supergrass and Sufjan Stevens. I didn't get past the S's) and now I'm typing

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158132664596526442006-09-12T23:30:00.000-07:002006-09-13T00:33:51.410-07:00Crumpets and Marmalade

I work with a bunch of Brits. I have no problems with the Limey Bastards. I, like so many Americans, am enamored by their accents and dry sense of humor. Their funny little sayings and interesting colloquialisms could keep me interested for hours. I've always said that a Bristish accent makes you smarter, funnier and better looking. Hugh Grant is living proof. I think my company may be as smitten

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1158035334428155912006-09-11T21:12:00.000-07:002006-09-11T21:34:15.523-07:00Miracle Ear and little sluts

my neighbor Caleb and I are standing outside watching my son Calem ride his bike. (pay attention. the 2 names get confusing.)"Hey Calem!" Caleb says."What dude!" says Calem."How's school?" asks Caleb."Good." says Calem, master of pontification."How's your GIRLFRIEND?" I ask him while making a kissie face."She's not my girldfriend anymore." Calem says with a scoul."How come? " I ask."We broke up."

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1157934749032084232006-09-10T17:09:00.000-07:002006-09-10T17:32:29.080-07:00A day to remember

Not that anything special will happen tomorrow but it will be a day for me to remember.Remember things that happened 5 years ago. Remember how it changed the world. My life. My kids’ lives.My son Calem was only 3 months old and Quinn wasn't even born yet. They’ll never know a world without 9/11. It will be a permanent fixture in the history of their world. A world that, while not very far in time

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1157850178262532982006-09-09T17:23:00.000-07:002006-09-09T18:12:17.533-07:00YO! Semite!

click on any of the images below to see them larger.This is the first evening at Bass Lake. The drive wasn't too bad. I slept most of the way. Passed out would be more accurate. Must have been that 40 of Old E I pounded at the gas station in Los Banos.Jumpin Jesus on a pogo-stick! what an amazing sight. This is what you see as you emerge from the tunnel leading into Yosemite from the South Gate.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1157615656959945892006-09-07T00:09:00.000-07:002006-09-07T00:54:17.006-07:00if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

you know who says that? quitters, that's who.I was talking to my mom about poor old Steve Irwin and what a bummer it was that he died (this really did make me sad) and she said, "It was only a matter of time." I agreed with her and we moved on. But later i was thinking about it and that saying was bothering me. Couldn't that be true for a lot of things? I mean, isn't it just a matter of time for

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156914335791294732006-08-29T21:43:00.000-07:002006-08-30T00:02:50.796-07:00Morning wood and cream rinse

I was at the Supercuts getting a hair cut during my lunch hour today. It was kinda late so nobody was in the place which made me happy 'cause then i wouldn't be forced to wait and get really bored and start reading People magazine and get all upset about how poorly Angelina Jolie is being treated by her new husband, Kid Rock.Anyway, the middle-aged Persian lady that runs the joint is the one

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156664957985370972006-08-26T13:42:00.000-07:002006-08-27T00:49:19.413-07:00Malt Liquor and Mumbbly Joe

good ol’ post number 101. Let's see, what shall I talk about today? Ah yes. Let's discuss how fucking scary Oakland is. For those of you that don't live on the Left coast, Oakland is a city just across the bay from San Francisco. It's like the Brooklyn to our Manhattan. Anyway, I was visiting my friend’s art studio in Berkeley, which is right next to Oakland. It was a nice visit, thanks for

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156569790239750962006-08-25T22:02:00.000-07:002006-08-25T22:27:23.450-07:00My Babies Don't Take No

Yesterday was the first day of school. Mackenzie is starting the 7th grade and Calem is starting Kindergarten. Holy crap people! I'm gettin old! That's not supposed to happen! I'm only 33, I act like I'm 15 but I feel like I'm 45. It's the kids' fault. If they weren't around i wouldn't feel so damn old! I remember how old i thought my parents were when i was in the 7th grade. They were like the

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156483241615427072006-08-24T22:08:00.000-07:002006-08-24T22:22:16.520-07:00Word verification aptitude test

Okay, so i understand the need for security, but word verification is getting a bit out of hand. i feel like it's some sort of remedial comprehension test, and sometimes i fail. Is that what that little handicap icon means? That I must be handicapped if i don't get this right?__________

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156402790876468812006-08-23T13:42:00.000-07:002006-08-24T00:00:54.926-07:00Don't EVER forget to take your Effexor

that's what it should say on the label. I mean "Take with food" and "Do not chew or crush before swallowing" are all well and good but how about "Don't even THINK of missing a dose of this shit or you'll wanna smash yourself in the face with a fucking hammer to try and get the crazy out!" Yeah. That would be more helpful. I think.Have you ever been so goddamned irritated that you wanted to punch

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156320890590986032006-08-23T01:10:00.000-07:002006-08-23T01:17:04.250-07:00Poop Sneakers Keraoke Hour

I learned many things today. Among them I learned:1. That my coworkers are mean-spirited, very susceptible to suggestion and have no qualms about fucking with perfect strangers.**2. That I’m not the only one in the office that prefers using the “Executive Washroom” (the bathroom in the lobby next to the reception desk). And I’m not the only one that tries to stay as close to the wall as possible

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156217781091166692006-08-21T19:51:00.000-07:002006-08-21T20:40:39.890-07:00A blowjob by any other name would still feel as freakin awesome.

Is there the female equivalent of a blowjob? I mean, "sucking dick" and "eating pussy" are the same, albeit very graphic, types of descriptions for oral sex. But blowjob just sounds so fun and including the word "job" makes it seem like a vital service to mankind (which it most certainly is ladies. It's very vital indeed.) So how do I describe performing oral sex on a woman in much the same way?

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156124604013364712006-08-20T18:43:00.000-07:002006-08-20T18:43:24.040-07:00Mall rats and smoothies

I took my daughter to the mall today so she could meet up with this boy she met at camp. They were going to see a movie called Step Up. I’m pretty sure she picked the movie ‘cause I doubt a 12-year-old boy would normally want to watch a movie about dance. Well I give him props for going with her decision despite the fact that this just marks the beginning of years and years of capitulating in

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1156016625931238632006-08-19T11:37:00.000-07:002006-08-19T12:43:46.446-07:00I'm tired of snakes.

I work too much and don’t take enough (or any) time for myself. I do this not because I’m a workaholic but because I live in the most expensive region in the US and I have a wife and three kids. It doesn’t make sense for my wife to work ‘cause daycare is so damn expensive so I have to do freelance to make ends meet.So last night I stayed up until 2am working on a project that is due Monday

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155886455185943082006-08-18T00:11:00.000-07:002006-08-18T00:34:15.210-07:00Miss Fuckity Fuckface

So I was watching the Miss Teen USA Pageant the other night and before they announced the 1st runner up and then the new Miss Teen USA (soooo exciting!!!) they informed us - quite seriously - that should the new Miss Teen USA become unable to fulfill her duties that it would be up to the first runner up to step into said duties. Wow. They really take this shit seriously.I have to ask myself, "

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155799397874531942006-08-16T23:57:00.000-07:002006-08-17T00:23:17.930-07:00Party Dance Doodle Bops

so I'm laying in bed with Calem this morning, snuggling, and he get's really excited all of a sudden and says, "Hey Dad! Wanna see my party dance?" I say, "Of course I do buddy!" But I'm really thinking, "What the fuck is the p[arty dance?" Well it wasn't long before I found out. Wearing only a pair of Bob the Builder tighty-whities, Calem jumps to his feet, clasped his hands together over his

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155710239912376662006-08-15T23:16:00.000-07:002006-08-15T23:37:19.936-07:00Constellation or sex act?

1. Big Dipper2. Cunnilingus3. Serpens Caput4. Brooklyn Steamer5. Double Cluster6. Scutum7. Rusty Trombone8. Canis Major9. Astroanus10. Rim Job

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155616340576855932006-08-14T21:23:00.000-07:002006-08-14T21:32:20.600-07:00Go fuck yourself!

it's a statement that's really meant as one of those ultimate insults that often times results in going to blows. But if you really think about it, it ain't so bad. What if you could fuck yourself? I don't know about you guys (and gals) but I'd be pretty fucking happy. Whenever I wanted it, I'd always be in the mood - and I'd always know exactly how I liked it. I wouldn't be worried if it was

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155532790079474392006-08-13T21:57:00.000-07:002006-08-13T22:19:50.140-07:00natural born smartass

So I'm making diner for the kids tonight and my son Calem comes to enquire into the culinary bill of fare for the evening. I tell him I'm making Mac 'n Cheese, hot dogs and grapes."Hot dogs?" he asks."Yeah." I say. "What's wrong with hotdogs?""I'm not going to eat any hotdogs!" he proclaims."You most certainly will mister." I retort."But I don't want to eat hotdogs!" he says with a whine in his

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155406216615090152006-08-12T09:53:00.000-07:002006-08-12T11:12:34.906-07:00Bubble Gum for the Ages

actual events that took place in my car with my Mom and my two sons(Calem-5, Quinn-2). Two sons are in the back seat, my Mom is in the front waiting for me to get back from the ATM:Calem: Mamma. Can I have some gum?Mamma: How do we ask, Calem?Calem: ummmm, with my mouth?Mamma: (trying not to laugh) No sweetie, you say please.Calem: Oh! Please!!!Mamma : Sure sweetie. (unwraps a piece of gum and

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155345629164097002006-08-11T18:14:00.000-07:002006-08-11T18:20:29.186-07:00Things Other than Payback that are a Bitch

1. Paper cuts2. Your Mom3. Parking tickets4. Life5. My dog LuLu6. Huey Lewis

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155185272651438082006-08-09T21:38:00.000-07:002006-08-09T21:47:52.700-07:00Dishes other than revenge that are best served cold.

1. Bitterness2. Malevolence3. Animosity4. Hatred5. Gazpacho6. Cole Slaw

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155141976976585612006-08-09T09:45:00.000-07:002006-08-09T09:46:16.986-07:00Today's Top 10

Top 10 phrases you will hear me say at the office on a daily basis (compiled by my colleagues):1. Konnichiwa Bitches!2. I’ll be the judge of that.3. Doesn’t he know that’s illegal?4. Your mom!5. Will someone please throw something at him?6. Don’t look at me.7. Why is everybody looking at me?8. So’s yer face.9. It’s a bit boooooring.10. I hate that guy.I realize the title of this list could easily

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1155008962140529562006-08-07T19:54:00.000-07:002006-08-07T21:22:05.986-07:00The Brooklyn Steamer Double -Play

So, yesterday I was out in the front yard enjoying a beautiful Sunday with my boys. Calem and Quinn are 5 and 2 respectively. Quinn was playing in the kiddy pool and Calem and I were playing tee ball. Quinn clearly was more interested in what his big brother was up to because he somehow managed to find a plastic bat in the garage. As he was running down the yard towards us I noticed that not only

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154816584602407062006-08-05T15:19:00.000-07:002006-08-05T15:26:59.666-07:00Make like a tree and branch out

so, as you may or may not have noticed, I have added another blog to my name. That's right. It's called "Design is as Design Does" and is devoted to nothing less than design and all things related to design. Give it a peak and maybe check back from time to time to see what the ol' Duck is up to.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154791627305959542006-08-05T08:11:00.000-07:002006-08-05T08:27:08.740-07:00Mojito Madness Dance Party

My little sis is visiting from AZ for the weekend. Made mojitos for us last night. I think I had 5 too many though. They were freakin' good but this morning my head feels like an overly-ripe mellon being squeezed by a fat, hairy guy with Tourette syndrome.Went to use my digital camera and found it was full up with only 2 pictures. Upon further investigation I discovered that my daughter had taken

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154712335816215582006-08-04T10:01:00.000-07:002006-08-04T10:25:35.880-07:00Reasons to fear the itsy, bitsy spider

1. He climbed the water spout2. Even after being washed out by a freak rain storm, he still climed the water spout3. He's killed before.

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154586652884159572006-08-02T23:07:00.000-07:002006-08-02T23:33:23.243-07:00Blog Hopping Dollar Tree

I read yesterday - on another blog - that the secret service is leading a major investigating into the unauthorized ATM withdrawals of hundreds of customers at Dollar Tree discount stores. The Secret Service offered few details about the case, but one spokesman said, "it's big." There were other details about the case but let's get to the really important stuff:1. If people are buying so much

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154495334043574082006-08-01T21:27:00.000-07:002006-08-01T22:10:08.540-07:00Dairy Council of Death

Remember those commercial for milk? “Milk! It does a body good.” Fucking liars.I can’t drink milk. I used to drink the stuff by the gallon when I was a kid but my body has since decided it doesn’t like some of the chemicals in milk. More precisely, it doesn’t much care for the lactose. In fact, my stomach hates the Lactose. They used to be all "BFF" but now they just make catty comments about one

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154411849327370002006-07-31T22:26:00.000-07:002006-07-31T23:27:33.440-07:00Blowjobs and the Funny Farm

my dad went off the deep end and is in the Looney bin. I say this lightly because we all kinda knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. He's never really been right in the head. Always had more than a few screws loose. I love my dad but he has more issues than a news stand. It really is a miracle I turned out as normal as I did - and that's very debatable.Because my dad is a Vet (and

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154363482115645542006-07-31T08:54:00.000-07:002006-07-31T09:31:22.220-07:00Twin Lake's Spare Tires

I work with a set of twins. Guys. They are identical twins. It took me about 4 months before I could tell them apart. I think it’s really strange that twins would not only want to pursue the same career but also work at the same place! They used to live together but now that one of them is married they’ve got separate places. I sometimes wonder how the woman knew which one she wanted to marry. Do

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154150856239242082006-07-28T22:24:00.000-07:002006-07-28T22:27:54.806-07:00Now accepting Applications

If I were rich, I wouldn’t be happier but I’d smell better. I’ve been rationing my cologne as of late due to my low funds. My colognes of choice, Happy for Men and Pasha du Cartier, are $60 and $80 respectively. I’m now completely out of Pasha and about one tenth of the way through Happy. When that's all gone I really won’t be happy. (On a side note, why the fuck does this shit cost so much? Is

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1154070461491731762006-07-27T23:53:00.000-07:002006-07-28T00:07:41.573-07:00In her ear problems

Stupid-ass things I did today. Just today.Drank 2 Topself Margaritas on an empty stomach. (I felt like a freshman after a four pak of wine coolers)Told my boss I was fine with continuing to work on the same project for 3 months while everyone else went on to different and possibly more interesting work. (God! I'm such a pussy!)Tried to dial my desk phone on the number pad of my keyboard. (It

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153945488148695752006-07-26T11:43:00.000-07:002006-07-26T23:04:54.820-07:00Konnichiwa bitches

I used to have a beard. Recently shaved it. And yes, I do wear sunglasses and listen to music when I work. How else will I be able to create such amazingly cool stuff, huh?these are posters I designed for the New York Apple store. It was at the same time as the introduction of the nano so I created images of historical New York buildings using black and white nanos. These were printed 4 feet by 6

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153808415830105182006-07-24T23:11:00.000-07:002006-07-24T23:45:35.473-07:00Sun screen and sand dollars

Big Mac and I went to Ocean Beach Sunday. It's a very popular beach in San Francisco but it was our first time visiting. This is Big Mac. Getting too big for my liking. She's already 12!!This is me enjoying the view. I always look pissed when I'm enjoying nature. What's it to ya? Mac couldn't wait to get in the water despite the lack of proper swim attire. She runs like a girl. She's the one on

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153785563229938352006-07-24T12:34:00.000-07:002006-07-24T16:59:23.323-07:00Tree-hugging man-hater

I was sitting in traffic this morning on my way to work. Thirty minutes of which I was stuck behind this woman in a fucking SUV. I don't normally have a problem with SUVs (I would never own one because I think they're a ridiculous waste of money and resources, but I accept that people have the right to drive what they choose) however; I had a real problem with this one.The driver had adorned the

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153635442938372502006-07-22T23:16:00.000-07:002006-07-22T23:17:22.950-07:00Heat strokes and mercy killings

Today sucked. It was 112 outside when our electricity decided to go out. So we all went to the pool. It helped. But everyone had the same idea and the place was a friggin zoo, or an aquarium I guess. We were all pruned and waterlogged after about 2 hours so we went back to our place to see if the electricity was still out. It was. So my wife says “Let’s go over to my parent’s place and have

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153597568056359712006-07-22T12:14:00.000-07:002006-07-22T12:46:08.146-07:00Postulate or Masterbate?

postulate verb |ˈpäs ch əˌlāt| [ trans. ] suggest or assume the existence, fact, or truth of (something) as a basis for reasoning, discussion, or belief(postulate can also be used as a noun but we'll use it in it's verb form for the purpose of this discussion)My theory about human existence postulates that when we die we don't receive another consciousness. All that we are is gone and we never

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153541657905999042006-07-21T21:09:00.000-07:002006-07-21T21:14:17.976-07:00High-jumpers paradise

I have nothing important to talk about today. Not that anything I talk about is ever all that important anyway, but today is even less so. I think I'm going to be lowering the bar. Some people raise the bar, I'm lowering it. That way it'll be easier to get over. I mean it's not rocket science. Why make things harder for yourself? Unless you're a world class olympic high-jumper there is absolutely

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153464693772101302006-07-20T23:44:00.000-07:002006-07-20T23:55:31.376-07:00Pussygalore

by the way, what is it with single chicks and cats? why does it seem that all the single women I know have cats? Is it because cats are a lot like men? Because they don't like to take a bath, they lay around and sleep all the time and are only nice to you when they want you ta stroke 'em? Is that it?Single guys usually don't have cats 'cause they don't want yet another pussy in their lives that

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153453391147452262006-07-20T20:27:00.000-07:002006-07-20T20:43:11.186-07:00Feminine Itching

I'm a pretty mellow guy but sometimes I just want to punch people in the THROAT! I don't actually act on the urge but I do visualize myself doing it. Then I imagine the victim in question crumpled on the floor gasping for breath. It makes me feel better, but only for a short time. Sometimes I wish I could really do it. Would that be so bad?I also would once, just once, like to stop being so damn

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153376410714533202006-07-19T22:39:00.000-07:002006-07-19T23:20:10.793-07:00Déjà who?

I experienced the most bizarre déjà vu last night. It was really late and I was really tired but I was up watching Family Guy. It was an episode I’ve seen about 50 times before but I just didn’t want to go to bed yet. Anyway, there was this commercial for the 11 o’clock news and it happened! Totally intense déjà vu! I sat up and was like “Hey! I’m having déjà vu!” I didn’t actually say that, ‘

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153284552316548542006-07-18T21:47:00.000-07:002006-07-18T21:49:12.330-07:00poop shoot

Today I discovered that the men’s bathroom in my office is way too quiet. All the regular stalls were full so I had to use the giant handicap stall (which I actually prefer since it allows me room to stretch out. However, it's a bit like parking in a handicap spot when you're not handicap, so I always feel guilty getting to reap the rewards of convenience without having any serious malady.)So

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153192696222303472006-07-17T19:54:00.000-07:002006-07-17T20:18:16.270-07:00Rubber babie buggy bumpers

It was hot today. Damn hot. The kind of heat that makes you want to kick a dog. [For the record, I don’t kick dogs and I don’t like people who do.] I really can't complain too much since I spent the whole day (or most of it) in my air-conditioned office. I tried to go outside for lunch but the heat just made me angry. I didn't want to get a swass (pronounced sw-ass. it means sweaty ass) so I went

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1153078203244656462006-07-16T12:15:00.000-07:002006-07-17T13:53:39.460-07:00Don't mess with my fan!

A lot can happen in a year. A lot of nothing. I'm happy to report that I'm in perfect health (relatively speaking). Actually, I'm not so happy to report that. I'd rather be telling you that I pushed my boundaries and have somehow been maimed in the process. Well maybe not maimed but at least I'd like to have some scars of life to tell you about. Something to prove that I'd really been living.Ya

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1118595771472571712005-06-12T01:42:00.000-07:002006-05-06T15:13:31.486-07:00blogger buddies and moon cakes

you read a few lines and you saw deep inside.you know all the secrets i normally hide.you've seen me at my worst and moreyou've made me laugh until I was sorehow do you know me so very well?just from the stories that I like to tellit's so very delicate. what's our friendship about?I could never find you if the power goes outyou could stop coming, if you so chooseif i stopped writing, what would i

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1118559953840015792005-06-11T13:42:00.000-07:002005-06-12T00:06:36.330-07:0010 things I did this week

1. Tried to hock a loogie out the window of my car while the window was up.2. Stole a powdered donut from my son, which I ate on my way to work.3. Realized I still had powdered donut on my face at 11am that same day.4. Caught myself singing "Material Girl" in the shower. 5. Stabbed myself in the neck with a mechanical pencil. (don't ask)6. Walked into a GAP and asked if they sold Levis.7. Watched

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1118446149300878462005-06-10T13:42:00.000-07:002005-06-10T16:29:09.310-07:00My Nigga from Amsterdam

An Elvis man, you like you women dangerous and your steaks bloody. You often get wrapped up in landscapes and fail to realize the danger you put yourself into. Don't get cocky, and don't get caught. It might be good to lay off the drugs every once in a while. Just a suggestion. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz. I fucking new i was Vicent Vega. I just KNEW it! Wait. That

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181619.post-1118380391481559282005-06-09T13:42:00.000-07:002005-06-09T22:13:11.490-07:00me and big c. keepin' it real.

because we're cool like that yomy son wants to do everything that i do. dress like I dress. do his hair like i do. talk like i do. even swear like i do.If my wife ever hear's of this, I will surely be dead. Luckily she was out of the house tonight and i was alone with the kids. Calem(4) and his sister Mackenzie (11) were playing nicely until i tell them it's time to go to bed. Being that it's

duckiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07874026071295936873noreply@blogger.com19